


Darkness can't exist without Light

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Death, Minor Violence, like really minor violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Changbin was often referred to as the embodiment of darkness.Felix was referred to as the embodiment of light.What happens when they meet each other and realize that it isn't nearly as simple.





	1. Darkness finds it's light

No matter what Changbin did, he could never be happy. He tried so hard, read all the books, took all the advice, but he just couldn't do it. It felt like his depression was getting worse and there was no hope of getting better. But, nevertheless he got out of bed that morning, not bothering to look even remotely professional. He worked at one of the biggest record companies in Korea and wore sweat pants most of the time. He barely had enough sense to put on a helmet before grabbing his car keys and heading down to the garage. With a sigh he started the engine to his motorcycle and made his way to work.

When he walked in, he was met with the kind (but obviously fake) smile of the secretary at the front desk. He just grumbled and walked right past her, plugging his headphones in. Right when he put in the second earbud he crashed into someone.

Lee Felix was known to be one of the brightest people on earth, he was so happy. Changbin wondered how he did it, especially since he had to work with 50-100 people a day. Anyways, Felix was staring at Changbin with wide eyes, not saying anything. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." He said finally, his Australian accent affecting his Korean ever so slightly. "It's fine," Changbin said, quickly standing up. He held his hand out for the other and everyone looked surprised that he did. Felix took it with wide eyes. "U-I-Thank you," He bowed quickly and went into one of the dance rooms. 

Changbin blinked, confusion on his face. But a small smile did appear on his lips.

And that's how this whole mess started.

* * *

 

Changbin had locked himself in the Studio again. The only time he came close to feeling a shred of Joy was when he was producing music. His fingers tapped away at the keyboard as he wrote out the lyrics to another song that probably wouldn't even make it past the first phase of approval. Sighing as he leaned backing the Chair Changbin contemplated sleeping or going to eat something considering he was in there for 12 hours. With an angry growl from his stomach he chose to eat. 

As he was heading down to the Cafeteria he heard music blaring from one of the dance rooms and knew that most of the choreographers were gone so that only left a few options. He seemed to have guessed right when he saw Felix dancing as intensely as ever, swaying ever so slightly. 

He looked confused when he heard the music stop and jumped slightly when he saw Changbin standing behind him in the mirror. "Wh-What are you doing here?" he panted.

"You look like you're about to pass out," he said simply,"I thought I'd remind you to eat something before you continue."

"Oh, I'll get something from the vending machine, Felix said, his voice sounding quieter than it already was. But he still had a small grin on his face.

Before he could hit play again Changbin grabbed his wrist,"No, I mean an actual meal, Felix."

Felix blinked for a second, like he wanted to say something else. "I'll eat that when I get home. I just really want to get this dance done."

Squinting his eyes Changbin let the younger go. "okay."  he nodded and left.

As soon as Felix heard his footsteps fade away he collapsed on the floor. He clenched his stomach quickly and waited for the pain to pass. Soon after he was back to dancing, almost not noticing Changbin walk in.

As soon as the smell of food hit his nose he whirled around, maybe a little too fast. "Eat."Changbin didn't ask, sitting down and placing the other's servings on the floor.

Felix sighed and sat down across from him, after taking one bite he started eating very quickly, only slowing when he remembered how bad his stomach would feel if he ate that fast. 

Changbin just watched. he knew there was more to the freckled Aussie than meets the eye. He was curious to see how this story played out.

* * *

 

The next time they saw each other Felix had come knocking on his studio door. There was a split second when Changbin swore he saw Felix frown before he was met with a that same smile."Did you need something?" Changbin asked.

Felix rubbed his neck nervously,"Can I crash here for a few minutes? I forgot they scheduled an early morning practice." 

"how early?" Changbin raised his brow. 

"5 AM." He said, hiding his head.

It was 3:30. Changbin made a movement with his head, signaling that he could come in. He sat back down on his chair, in front of his computer. He had planned to go home but he was apparently pulling an all nigher again. He figured the intense rock song he was working on wouldn't do well in letting Felix sleep peacefully. Noticing that his new guest was starting to drift off he started working on a ballad he had worked on with one of his friends because he liked her voice. After the song had finished he noticed that he had completely fallen asleep. 

Without the smile on his face Changbin could see just how frail Felix was and when his shirt had ridden up slightly he saw a couple of the boy's ribs. Slowly, he stood up and left the room for a second. When he returned he had a bag full of snacks and drinks. He checked the time and saw that it was 4:45 by that point. He shook Felix awake, laughing slightly at his groggy voice and confused English. "Fifteen minutes before class starts," He said handing him some of the food he had bought. Felix smiled at him before taking a bite.

That kind of became their thing. Changbin would come into the dance studio after Felix was done with teaching a couple of classes, handing him a snack or some soda before going back to his studio. If he heard music blareing form one of the practice rooms after 12 he always brought food. 

His efforts were not in vein, because he saw that the younger had chubbier cheeks and his ribs were no longer visible when he was standing still. The two had actually gotten close, they would have conversations whenever they weren't busy working. It had gotten t the point where Felix always came into Changbin's studio in between classes. Whether it was to rant or to get previews of Changbin's work the two were together whenever they could be.

That was, until the depression hit again.

* * *

One day Changbin woke up and he couldn't move. There wasn't anything wrong with him, physically, but he was just hit with a wave of sadness that was so strong he couldn't get up. He grabbed his phone and quickly emailed his boss that he was feeling sick so he would either be late, or not show up at all. 

Around noon he finally felt the weight lift just enough for him to take a shower, the hot water helping to ease his thoughts by a great amount. He spent an unusually longer amount of time staring down into the bottle of anti depressants. Just a couple pills over and... he quickly snapped from his thoughts as he heard his phone ding. Quickly taking the correct dosage he went and Checked his phone to see a message from Felix.

 **Felix:** Hey I heard you were sick, I hope you get better soon. All the snacks are locked in your studio :(

 **Me:** Thanks! I'm actually feeling much better

 **Felix:** *insert a get well soon gif because I'm busy and don't have time to find the perfect one*

The laugh that escaped Changbin's lips at Felix's last text message made him realize something. 

He was happy. All the times he spent with Felix he actually felt something good within all the bad that was surrounding his mind. He smiled to himself as he thought of that smile and how his face was dotted with freckles, something Changbin hadn't realized he'd like so much.

Felix brought out the happiness that he'd been looking for, hoping for.

With that realization his world seemed to get a little bit brighter. He just hoped he could help Felix just as much, because he didn't want to see that smile become nothing but a mask to hide the pain he didn't know about yet.


	2. Maybe a little darkness isn't so bad

"Hey do you know where Changbin is?" Felix asked one of the managers. 

His smile slightly faltered when he was told that he was sick. He played it off however and went back to the dance room. Sometimes he hated that he was so happy all of the time but, most of the time it was actually good for him. While he was dancing and teaching, he felt on top of the world. This was what he came here to do and that joy didn't falter with time, as most things did.

But after classes he was terrified. He stayed late, as usual to work, and flinched when the door opened quickly. "What? Your little boyfriend not here to save you today?" He said, walking over to Felix.

Of course Felix knew his name, he knew everyone but he wasn't going to say it in the one place he can't bother him, his mind. "No, and he's not my boyfriend."

"Not yet, I can see how this will go, you're not slick. Fags are all the same." He was inches away from Felix's face now.

"Let's just get this over with," he sighed and braced himself. 

As expected, the first punch was to the stomach, causing him to bend forward in pain, only to be pushed to the ground and kicked in the same area a few times. What was knew was the fact that he was able to stand up again before getting hit in the face. "If you tell anyone about this I'll let everyone know just how disgusting you are." He left the room with a few drops of Felix's blood on his knuckles.  

Felix coughed into his hand and noticed a few red splatters but just wiped them off. Pressing play on his music and going through the routines for the week a few times. 

His stomach hurt like hell, both from lack of food and some new bruises, but he kept dancing. He only stopped to go home when he did everything he needed to do. 

* * *

"What happened?!" Changbin exclaimed when he saw Felix's eye. He grabbed his face without asking and tilted it to get a closer look.

"It's nothing, I was just being clumsy," Felix laughed, pushing his hand away.

"Here, put this on your eye and I'll be back with ice." Changbin handed him a cold drink, along with the snack he usually got him and quickly left the room.

Sighing, Felix put the bottle to his bruise and immediately relaxed, he had forgotten to put ice on it last night so is stung a little. The ice pack that Changbin had brought felt even better. "Thanks," he said cheerfully, "You should probably get back to your studio, classes start soon."

Felix could've sworn he saw Changbin frown a little more before he muttered a,"You're right," and left.

Felix glanced over his shoulder in his next class and flinched slightly for a moment. Why did  _he_ have to be here. He just shook his head and kept on teaching. Waiting until he got to the lessons with actual groups. 

by the end of the day he was exhausted and his side hurt like crazy, he almost went home when he realized he had to start on the choreo for a groups debut. Sighing he turned around and listed to the song they recorded and started piecing together a dance in his head.

He was about to lift his shirt to check his bruises but Changbin walked in. The usual smell of food following him. 

"How's your eye?" he asked sitting down.

"Better, but my vision is a little blurry at times." Felix laughed, grabbing his portion.

"You should go home after this." Changbin said, taking a bite. "Oh, I heard you got to choreograph for debut."

Felix nodded,"Yeah I just got the demo so that's what I've been working on." 

"Congratulations, that's like the most stressful yet best job you can get." Changbin said.

"Wow thanks for the confidence," Felix rolled his eyes playfully.

"You should know that I'm not good at that by now," he shoved Felix playfully, instantly regretting it when the younger winced. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just sore," he said, taking a bite of food. 

Changbin looked at him with doubtful eyes before counting to eat.

They ate in relative, yet comfortable silence until their plates were completely empty. "I'll throw this away on my way out." Felix said standing up.

"Thanks, I have to work extra late tonight." Changbin stood up as well, getting ready to go back to his studio.

"You should try and get that song you were playing that one time released, you know, the one with the girl, it's pretty." They were standing outside the door, almost not wanting to part ways.

They eventually did separate and Felix walked home felling just as lonely as ever. 

* * *

 

Felix screamed in pain when he felt himself land wrong when doing a jump, thankfully, everyone had gone home by then. Well, almost everyone.

"Are you okay?" Changbin asked, immediately running to Felix who clutched his ankle on the floor. 

"Does it look like I'm okay?" Felix half laughed and winced. "It's just my ankle."

"Felix you're a dancer, just your ankle my ass," Changbin scolded. "Can you move it?"

Wincing a little, and taking a little while Felix was able to completely roll his ankle, much to Changbin's relief.

"is there anything to wrap it with?" He asked looking around.

"Yeah," Felix said sitting upright,"Cabinet under the speaker."

Changbin grabbed the bandage and tightly wrapped Feix's ankle, "Keep trying to move it, but don't put weight on it."

"Thanks, doc," Felix scoffed.

"Well, both my parents are doctors and I've sprained my ankle more than a few times." He smirked, helping him up.

Felix immediately became quieter at the mention of parents but didn't let it show for long.

"I'll take you home." Changbin didn't ask and Felix knew he couldn't reject. "It's times like these I wish I had a car." he sighed.

Felix practically screamed the whole way to his house, while Changbin had an amused smile on this face. When he noticed they were about 4 miles from the building he got concerned. Felix always walked home.

When they pulled up to a pretty beat up apartment building and Felix walked in Changbin knew that there was something definitely wrong. "Hey Felix, do you want me to go grab you something to eat?" 

"No, I have food inside Hyung, thanks for driving me." He said with a grin.

"I can take you inside if you want." The younger looked hesitant to accept Changbin's offer, but the yelp he let out when he accidentally put too much pressure was enough for him to sigh in defeat. 

When Changbin walked into the apartment he felt his heart sink. All Felix had was a mattress with no bed frame or anything, he had the basic in his kitchen but Changbin could tell that his cabinets were empty. He looked over at the boy, only to see that he had detangled himself from him and leaned against the kitchen counter. "Do you need to talk about something?" he said.

"You don't need to worry about me," He said quickly, but Changbin could tell he was about to break.

"I'm going to worry about you regardless of what you say, it's okay to ask for help if you need it." Changbin sighed, stepping closer to him.

"But If I do that I'll have to submit to a side of myself that I hate showing." Felix said, any and all joy from his voice gone. "My life is pathetic so I'd rather keep the good points for as long as I can.

"It's okay to be upset, it's okay to struggle, you don't have to be happy all the time." Changbin put a hand on his back.

"I-I don't want you to see me like that," his hands were shaking and he felt himself start to break down.

"I promise I won't Judge you, I just want to help." Changbin said pulling him into a hug, he knew what was about to happen, he's seen it too many times.

 Felix broke down, sobbing heavily into Changbins chest. "I never should've left," he whispered.

"It's okay," Changbin stroked his back.

"No it's not, I've spent almost all my money to come here, only to get paid jack and kicked around like a ball." He said, almost hysterical.  

Changbin just let him cry, Felix was clearly trying to avoid demons he should try to face. When he felt his breathing steady he finally talked to him. "Felix,you don't have to do this alone."

"You don't understand if I tell someone he'll-" He cut himself off.

"He'll what?" Changbin said worried.

"Out me," he said solemnly,"If We were back in Australia I wouldn't care. But it's different here."

"You can't just sit here and let yourself starve and allow yourself to get hurt like this," Changbin replied.

Felix scoffed,"then what the hell am I supposed to do then?"

"You could stay with me if you need." Changbin offered.

Shaking his head, Felix declined,"You don't, have to do that for me,"

"You've made a positive impact in my life, Let me make one in yours."

Felix took a deep breath,"okay."


End file.
